The Bad
Struggling with food will be with me forever... Guess..I thought the struggle would go away..but it doesn't. Last week I did something that I am not proud of.. D and Grady were eating at mom and dads and I decided that what they were having was not good for me...I get a check for that..right? So I came home and baked two pieces of tilapia (they were not that big) (little bit of old bay and evoo). My plan was to eat one..than save the other one for lunch tomorrow. I ate the one and then started to watch some TV... I went back to the kitchen to take care of the dishes...and on a whim..I picked up the other piece..and ate it. I wasn't hungry..I think it was just there.. I felt so bad afterwards..my stomach hurt all through the night.. I was also planning to write on the blog that night..but I couldn't do it.. I couldn't tell all my family and friends that I had failed... My emotions were all over the place.. The next day started out quiet (still feeling down and disappointed in myself)...than I received a text from Anne...she said..I love you. Do you think she knew...I wanted to tell her...she called me and I told her what I had done and how disappointed I was with myself. She had so many kind words to say and lifted me back up.. Thank Annebadannie...I love you! My day started to get better....than I started to feel overwhelmed again..and I confided to my close friends at work and even cried... So thankful that I have friends at work that care about me and are there for me (thanks girls).. So my POA (plan of action) next time is....pack it and put in fridge for tomorrow after I plate my meal and I needs to stay busy... I am learning so many things about myself and my habits.. I still go to the kitchen to get a snack and then realize...wait a minute...it is not time for my snack and/or I am not hungry....so I then turn back around..but it is struggle..I would be lying if I didn't say it was. I guess I need to learn that I am not perfect and I will make mistakes...it is still hard to do.. I am learning to pick myself back up (not literally) and move on...
The rest of the week did get better and than Easter was here...and family came home. We had a wonderful weekend and we are so blessed to have each other. I have posted below two Easter pictures...one was from last year and the other is this years... I can see a difference...can you?
My mom tells me I have a glow..one she hasn't seen in a long long time..that makes me feel good....and literally I do feel good. I see a difference in my clothes already (not much but some)...and I can tell in my face and my hands.
Today was a good day too... There is a support group for people who have had this procedure (gastric sleeve) every second Thursday of the month. I have been to 2 before surgery..and one after. I really enjoy going and listening to others. I don't feel alone there....they have already had the procedure or are pre-op. I listen to them and realize that I am not alone in things I feel, my emotions, and even they make mistakes too.. I always feel good when I leave and ready to conquer the world (maybe..lol).
Sorry for the longwindedness...I don't think that is a word..but I might make it one tonight... Tomorrow is another day and another day that I will be closer to my goal. I have a lot of things going on in my head that I want to try..just haven't made the time (setting goals, making that food journal that I still haven't made)..so I have lots of things to do...which is very important. Need to keep moving (and to that note)..I will get to go back to the gym for my regular workouts soon..I am excited about that too.
Oops almost forgot....I wanted to show you some of the stuff I have been making...these are so much fun to make...especially when my music (60s/70s of course) is playing and I am in my zone...
The first two are prayer journals...the inside has a place for date, scripture/prayer request, and then a place to journal or write notes. You could use them with your daily devotion or at church during the service. The next 4 are note pads...big and small. If anyone is interested in one..just let me know.
I guess I will end this longwindedness..I used it again...ha ha.. I hope everyone has a great weekend coming up... Thanks so much for all your prayers and being there for me...
Love to all,
Lora
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